You obviously REALLY value community.
Today, a friend and I were talking about our personal shifts from a religious community to a secular one. We discussed how our core values remained the same from the time we were religious, through the times of doubt, and afterward when we realized we no longer believed in a god. One thing she said stuck out to me, “You obviously REALLY value community, that’s probably why you stuck it out so long with the whole church thing”. Huh… interesting. I always thought I was so loyal to god, that the idea I was holding onto the community aspect of my religion never really occurred to me.
But I think she hit the nail on the head.
I clung to the good aspects of community that I got through church (regular fellowship, free childcare, bringing food to people when sick, singing/learning together, free childcare, deep/authentic conversations, and free childcare). Speaking of free childcare, not long before giving up on god completely, my family and I went to church on a day my husband had to run the sound system during the service. He went to do his thing, I dropped the kids off at the nursery and yeah, I definitely went to a coffee shop for an hour of bliss by myself… I love me some free childcare (as long as it’s trustworthy childcare…that’s a whole other conversation).
Alright, back to community, not only did I cling to the good aspects of community, I desperately feared the possibility of losing some of the people I held so dear.
Churches and religions “do” community very well. But they certainly don’t own the rights to building and maintaining community. I am fortunate to have a Secular Families group in my town. While it has been a slow and steady process to build community, it is happening for my family in our post-church era and I’m so grateful.
In addition to this group I have decided to get involved at a local gym, my son’s Cooperative Preschool, and my local Ultimate Frisbee community. There is much community to be had in local activities and groups outside of the “church scene”. And boy am I glad for that since community is at the top of my values list!
Now, to find a non-performing, non-intimidating singing group…